March 19, 2019

Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom

The Serenity Prayer is an oft-repeated mantra that I have always loved. It illustrates the struggle we face with life’s various and often unexpected challenges. It is also a key to helping dismantle some of the negative thoughts associated with Depression and Anxiety. It reads:“God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.”In the wake of horrific events, such as the recent terror attack in Christchurch, personal tragedies, or natural disasters, we can become overwhelmed by our emotions. Our thoughts can become caught in a loop of sorrow and fear. We might think, “The world is a dangerous place.” “I can’t go on without this person in my life.” “I’m not enough.” Depression may have us look back at the past with sorrow and defeat. Anxiety may have us look forward to the future with fear and hopelessness.At these times we can turn to the Serenity Prayer to give us a sense of perspective and our own power. We cannot go back and change somebody’s actions, any more than we can stop a cyclone. But we can show kindness to people in our community, regardless of belief or background. We can strengthen ourselves by supporting others. We can look in the mirror and tell ourselves, “I am enough, I have value, and I am worthy of love.” Sometimes it’s difficult, particularly during a time of crisis, to know the difference between the things we can and cannot change. Giving ourselves time to process change and be with those we love can help us find the wisdom within. - Ben Wilson

March 12, 2019

Rough Seas

Sometimes it’s hard to know whether we’re in the middle of a rough hour or so, a rough day, a rough week or a long-term pattern of misery. The first on the list there, a rough hour or so, does and probably should happen to all of us from time to time. I firmly believe that we grow stronger when there is something challenging us. I recently was having ‘one of those’ times. I had a very big week personally and professionally and then found myself working over the weekend as well while also juggling parenting duties. My unhelpful coping methods were just making things worse. I had let go of my yoga and meditation practices, my journal fell by the wayside, I wasn’t eating proper meals and I managed to get through an entire Netflix season when I should have been catching up on sleep. By Sunday night I was seeing problems everywhere and attributing blame to others. By Monday evening I was exhausted and grumpy. I lashed out at my husband and then went to read with my kid. Then that moment happened. The moment that allowed me to see what I was doing a bit more clearly. That moment that gave me the space to adjust and correct. My ten-year-old son told me “That was a bit rude! You made dad sad with what you said, and I think you need to apologise to him”. “you’re right,” I said. I immediately got up and started to walk out of the room. I must have moved quickly because he told me to stop because he thought I was now mad at him and just walking out. “It’s okay I said. You’re absolutely right and I’m going to apologise”. I apologised and both my husband and I felt a bit better. But I still had a lot of that angst sitting inside me. I needed to be spiritually and emotionally fed. But now the pattern that was feeding my discomfort was broken. I had some firm ground from which to move forward. I packed the kids off to bed, hubby went out (that was already planned) and, instead of watching Netflix or playing games on my phone, I sat there and listened to beautiful music. I felt it wash over me, cleansing me. I kept listening for about an hour and a half – until I felt peace inside myself – until I didn’t feel any need to hold myself together anymore. Then I slept When I woke up this morning, I was okay. I was just back to regular me. The world had felt for a while as though it was closing in on me and then it was all good again. This, to me, is self-compassion and emotional self-regulation. It would have been better if I had gotten in sooner and looked after myself a bit more; but, I am so grateful to my child for helping me to accept correction and change my course. I am grateful that I know myself well enough to know that a beautiful piece of music can literally wash away my harmful thoughts and feelings. To get off course sometimes is part of being human – self-regulation allows us to adjust our course sooner and stop the rough hours from becoming a tidal wave that consumes us. - Dr Lee-Ann Wilson

February 25, 2019

Walking Together

I was recently inspired by the story of poet John Muir and United States President Theodore Roosevelt. In March 1903, President Roosevelt, who was becoming increasingly aware and concerned about the destruction of nature, wrote a letter to Muir asking the naturalist and poet to take him on a tour through the Yosemite. He noted, “I do not want anyone with me but you, and I want to drop politics absolutely for four days and just be out in the open...” This meeting of minds and hearts led to the introduction of vast areas of National Park – first across the United States and then globally. John Muir wrote a great deal of poetry about the wonders of nature and about conservation in general. He said: 'Take a course in good water and air; and in the eternal youth of Nature you may renew your own. Go quietly… no harm will befall you.' He prescribed ‘In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks’. Certainly, I have found this for myself and it is always my hope for my clients that they will find more walking and talking together in nature than they would in a therapy room. For, as John Muir said, and I deeply hold, ‘Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.’ Theodore Roosevelt was clearly deeply affected by his time with John Muir in Yosemite. In his own words: ‘It is an incalculable added pleasure to anyone’s sum of happiness if he or she grows to know, even slightly and imperfectly, how to read and enjoy the wonder-book of nature.’ So, let us walk together. Going quietly, healing body and soul and increasing the sum of our happiness.- Dr Lee-Ann Wilson

February 18, 2019

Live the Miracle

Imagine that after you go to bed tonight, a miracle occurs. The challenge you're facing is miraculously remedied. When you wake up, and go about your day, what would you notice first that shows that a change has happened? This is the Miracle question. It comes in a few different forms, but the message is always the same. When we think about what troubles us, and hope for a day when that trouble is gone, how do we see the other end of the tunnel? What would be different about our life? What is the first thing, or most significant thing, we would notice? Here's a simplified example of what this questioning process looks like with the question, answer, and solution: Q) A miracle occurs over night and the arguments you're having with your partner have been resolved. What is the first thing you notice when you wake up? A) Well the first thing I'd notice is the way we greet each other in the morning. We would actually talk about the day and show that we care. S) Well perhaps you can set a goal to greet them in the morning with a smile and see how that impacts your day and your relationship? As you can see, this is a great tool for goal setting. When you can visualise what it is you're hoping for you can set goals and make plans to achieve those things. Focusing on the problems to overcome, even in therapy, can lead to a lot of backwards thinking. Some treatments for addiction even suggest not mentioning your addiction at all, and instead focusing on the future you want to achieve. Nature-based therapy is great for this because you are literally walking forward into an open world, looking out and forward rather than in and backward. When life's challenges, big and small, are beating us down, it isn't easy to properly visualise what life beyond will look like. We're trapped in a box with our problems and even on days when we think we're winning, we're still surrounded by those walls restricting our view. Getting out (literally), looking forward, and visualising the miracle can help to guide the plans and goals that will help us overcome our challenges. See the miracle, live the miracle. - Ben Wilson

February 11, 2019

Powering Down and Looking Up

Technology is amazing. I pressed down a few plastic buttons and, voilà, here is a brand-new blog post for you to read on your desktop computer, laptop, tablet, or smartphone. Right after reading the title we may have lost a few readers who are comfortable in their digital world and not ready for change. For those who are still here I’ll ask you to stick with me a little longer, acknowledging the irony of using a screen device to encourage you to stop using screens so much. Throughout my training as a psychologist I’ve gone through the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for substance use and addiction disorders many times, and frequently it would cause me to pause and reflect on my own vices. While it was not substance related, I would reflect on symptom descriptions and think, ‘that actually sounds like my relationship with video games and TV.’ 1. (Alcohol) Screen use is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended‘Yep, certainly didn’t intend to be playing that game until midnight.’…5. Recurrent (alcohol) screen use resulting in a failure to fulfil major role obligations at work,school, or home.‘I’m sure I would have done better on that exam if I hadn’t spent those 20 hours watching all the Harry Potter movies in the week leading up to it.’…8. Recurrent (alcohol) screen use in situations in which it is physically hazardous.‘Well that telephone pole didn’t walk into me.’ While being a tad facetious, these sort of addiction behaviours can become quite impactful on our lives. The current DSM has described proposed criteria for Internet Gaming Disorder, “…many underlying similarities to substance addictions, including aspects of tolerance, withdrawal, repeated unsuccessful attempts to cut back or quit, and impairment in normal functioning.” (pp. 796). I would like to clarify the importance for us to reflect our relationship with screen devices and determine if they are indeed having a significant negative effect on our daily functioning or distress levels (the key factors in determining whether something is a “disorder”). If we stay up all night on our laptop we miss out on that valuable sleep, we might make mistakes at work because we’re tired. If we lose in that online game too many times, we might get angry and snap at a loved one. If we eat while focused so heavily on the glowing square of light, we might just shovel in the food without realising how much, or that our son really had something they wanted to talk with us about at dinner but couldn’t find a time when our attention was on them. It can be a very difficult task, disconnecting from something that has been designed to draw you in and keep you there (don’t get me started on mobile games with microtransactions). Psychologists are often the very people employed to help design these games and services in such a way. ‘Just 200 more experience points and I’ll level up.’ ‘Just one more episode, this cliff-hanger is too much to handle.’ The often-spoken acronym of ‘FOMO’, fear of missing out, can come into play. ‘What if Joe is online?’; ‘What if Sally posted pictures from the wedding?’; ‘What if I stop playing and have to deal with all my responsibilities?’ Okay, that last one taps into something a little different, but the point is that we are often highly motivated to be connected to a screen. So how then do we go about attaining healthy disconnection? Firstly, if your screen use is indeed significantly harming your daily functioning or wellbeing, I wholeheartedly encourage you to seek out psychotherapy. Counselling and behavioural therapies are optimal treatment options for addiction. The most important part is finding out what motivates the behaviour and finding ways of meeting your needs while addressing unhelpful thoughts and behaviour patterns. Otherwise, if the issues are not so problematic there are a few brief ways to get out of the digital and into the real world. Mindfulness – A previous blog post by Ben Wilson mentioned Anchoring Points. These and other strategies for enhancing present-moment awareness can re-centre us and remind us of the important things.REAL social connection – This can work very well, particularly when frequent and regularly scheduled. Think perhaps of joining a sports team or creating one with friends, or simply arranging regular times to meet with a group to discuss a topic of shared interest (e.g. a book club).Connect with nature – This, of course, works best when combined with the previous recommendations, but at the core of this comes a direct counter to the superficial, fleeting, and insubstantial connections we make with the digital world. When we go out in nature and truly experience it, we allow ourselves to experience a deep, sustained, and GENUINE connection. So, for those of you whom might have skipped to the end in the hope of a single-sentence summary (because this is one of 12 tabs you have open and there’s so much more to read), I will indulge you briefly here. Your time and attention matters; disconnecting can be the best way for you to truly connect with the important things. - Sam Halpin

February 4, 2019

Beyond Trauma

In my years of working with people with complex trauma, the most important gain for me was the appreciation for life and enormous respect to my client's strengths. I learn from their stories and personal progress; how unlucky we may be in life but also how much power we have in deciding on our own narrative and future. It is a humble experience to be able to support a person when they are at a low point and help them step by step to acknowledge their superhero powers to overcome horrible events. Finally, it is a rewarding space for me to be able to walk along the traumatised person as they shed their feelings of guilt and shame and embraces his freedom of choice.
Some of the negative effects of trauma on the human body are in the increase of stress levels, change in body systems (such as hormones) and high activation of instinctive Flight - Fight - Freeze responses to the perception of overwhelming threat. In other words, a traumatised person who may put on a daily effort to function and maintain a normal routine may be experiencing an internal ongoing alert and unexplained arousal. These symptoms could be better treated in nature. As research suggests, spending time in nature can improve the immunisation system, reduce stress levels and create the opportunity to practice mindfulness, even by just sitting next to water listening to the waves or in a forest listening to the birds. Nature encourages us to let go from disturbing thoughts and provides us with the opportunity to connect to ourselves. Moreover, sitting in front of a mental health professional and expected to talk about a traumatic event, can be traumatising by itself because of the survival coping mechanisms. That is why talking to an empathetic professional in an open space may increase the sense of control and reduce barriers.
Trauma can be an external event in our lives. We can not predict or control natural disasters (bush fire, floods) or human actions (car accident, plane crash, assault, terrorist attack). Other traumas, unfortunately, occur by familiar and significant figures in our lives such as parents, family members and partners. These traumatic events can involve constant and repetitive exposure to violence or experiencing direct violence (physical, verbal and sexual) and neglect. The more traumatic events a person has experienced in his life and the earlier in his life these events had occurred the more likely this person is suffering from complex trauma which has additional symptoms to PTSD. Typically, people tend to hold beliefs that they have control over their lives, such as that the world is reasonably fair, that they are good people, that bad things don’t happen to good people, and that God is benevolent, looking after them and protecting them. They also typically have a sense that they are on track with their goal pursuits, acquiring and maintaining the things that they want or hold most important in their lives. Trauma involves the violation or ‘‘shattering’’ of this global meaning. Both global beliefs (such as fairness or invulnerability) and global goals (such as physical integrity or a continued relationship with a loved one) are violated. Traumatic experiences can have a powerful impact on individuals. Traumatic events often raise questions about the fairness or controllability of the world and one’s self in the world and can create a sense of uncertainty about the purpose of one’s life. Positive and negative outcomes on traumatised people can co-occur. Positive post-trauma changes are referred to as posttraumatic growth. Posttraumatic growth is a positive psychological change experienced as a result of the struggle with highly challenging life circumstances.When using this approach, we would actively seek to identify the presence of growth, even amongst ongoing distress. In addition, we would reflect with the person on their personal capacity to manage even the most severe of challenges, to redefine their personal strengths, philosophies, and relationships in moving forward. Positive transformations in beliefs and behaviour after experiencing traumatic events can be manifested in at least five forms:1. improved relations with others2. identification of new possibilities for one’s life3. increased perception of personal strength4. spiritual growth5. an enhanced appreciation of lifePosttraumatic growth is not simply a return to baseline- it is an experience of improvement that for some persons is deeply profound. - Netta Dolev Further reading on this topic:
Park. C.L. & AI, A.L (2006) Meaning Making and Growth: New Directions for Research on Survivors of Trauma. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 11:5, pp. 389-407
Jayawickreme, E. & Blackie, L.E.R. (2014). Post-traumatic growth as positive personality change: Evidence, controversies and future directions. European Journal of Personality, 28, pp 312-331.
Shakespeare-Finch, J. & Lurie-Beck, J. (2013). A meta-analytic clarification of the relationship between posttraumatic growth and symptoms of posttraumatic distress disorder. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 28(2), pp. 223-229.

January 30, 2019

Day to Day Stress

Life and stress are almost synonymous for a lot of us. Whether it’s having the kids crying in the car all the way to your destination or looking at your calendar and wondering how you’re ever supposed to fit all of that in the limited hours you have. Stress is just your mind or body straining and resisting and feeling the pressure. It’s when you’re afraid that the demands on you outweigh your capacity.You know what stresses me out the most? Feeling like I’m an inconvenience. Unfortunately, that’s not really a feeling you can easily escape in everyday life. It’s hardly ever true, and that illustrates that not every stressful thought or feeling is based in reality. When we are experiencing anxiety or depression, any little thing in our lives that could be interpreted as difficult, can lead to stress. Stress wreaks havoc on my wellbeing. First off, I get flustered, not being able to concentrate or accomplish basic tasks. I get irritated, snapping at innocent or inconsequential things. Emotionally, it can bring us to the kind of low that prevents us from doing anything (perhaps choosing instead to make a cave under our blanket and just hang out there for a while). Physically, it can sap our energy or cause us physical pain. No one wants those things in life; but, how are we expected to escape the stresses that are a part of everyone’s day to day?In speaking with our lead Psychologist we have identified a few top tips for daily stress relief… 1) Put life in perspective. When I was a kid and I had to have a needle (I HATE NEEDLES) my mum would always tell me, “It’s only five seconds in a minute, with 60 minutes in an hour, and 24 hours in a day.” What she meant was, when you look at the bigger picture, a lot of our pains and stresses won’t matter. If I feel I am an inconvenience to someone, the worst they will likely do is be dismissive of me. If I’m honest with myself, that really shouldn’t matter. Especially not when I put life in perspective. Will this stress still be a problem tomorrow, or next week, or even five years from now? More often than not, the answer is no.
2) Reframing. This little technique is about trying to understand our stressors in a different way. For example, if you’re stressed about a big task/responsibility you’ve been given, considering it instead as a great opportunity or compliment to your abilities can add a positive spin to help you accomplish your goal. With this trick you can acknowledge that a stressful thing is still significant but consider the ways in which it is a positive as well.
3) Anchoring points. This one could take a bit of practice but it’s possibly the most effective method. Find an activity you do frequently during the day. Washing you hands after using the bathroom could be one. While you’re doing this activity, or just before/after, pause. Mindfulness exercises like this are perfect for stress relief. Consider the room around you, consider your heartbeat, your breathing, how you feel in general. Add an affirmation like, ‘I have the skills to accomplish this task’, or whatever is relevant to the stresses you’re facing. It may sound silly at first. However, once you practice anchoring yourself several times a day, every day, you will feel the stress start to drift away.
4) Lastly, be kind to yourself. It’s not about just ‘Treat Yourself’ to whatever you want. Kindness is much purer and more deliberate than that. Do things that make you feel better. Take a walk out in nature. Rest! Remove stressful things if that’s possible. Remember that your happiness matters too. The flip side of this is being kind to others. When stress leads to anxiety and depression, it’s a good idea to start looking outward. How can I show kindness to other people in our lives and lift some of their burdens too? Some of the challenges that lead to stress are unavoidable, but most are endurable. The important thing is that you find ways to support yourself when the daily stresses of life start to pile up. Often, it is valuable to see a professional to help you learn what works best for you in your search for stress relief.- Ben Wilson

January 21, 2019

Why Nature?

I have always loved being out in nature. As a 10 to 12 year old, I would take myself off on hikes amongst the hills behind our town and just a month or so ago I thoroughly enjoyed a four day hike around Lake Waikaremoana in New Zealand. This type of activity just makes me feel complete and ‘in tune’ with the earth.Of course, there are many documented benefits to being and walking in nature, these include stress relief, improved memory and clearer thinking. For myself, it is about letting go of all my ‘shoulds’ and responsibilities and just being me, taking one step in front of the other and experiencing a few hours of clarity.Being out in nature, away from technology and the attention traps of the day, has been demonstrated to lower blood pressure, improve both mood and cognitive function and to increase feelings of connection to something beyond the self.I know a wonderful exercise using a cup and forks which demonstrates the mind, body, spirit connection. The take home message is that if one is failing then all fall down. I have found this to be true for myself and for others I have worked with. Walking in nature strengthens us across all three areas: our physical bodies are strengthened and invigorated, our mind receives greater clarity and memory is increased, and our spirit, or sense of connection, is enlivened. I hear many positive reports from clients about their experience with nature-based therapy. The two most frequent are how much more comfortable it is to be in a park rather than strange office and how empowering it is to physically move forward while trying to make positive life changes or move past a difficult period.I really recommend that everyone spends some daily time out in nature. The younger you start the better – as spending time in nature as a child is associated with greater care for the environment and spending more time in nature as an adult. However, it’s never too late to get started as my more mature clients really love the opportunity to go for a walk and clear the cobwebs from their mind and body as well. That’s why we love and choose the nature-based therapy approach.- Dr Lee-Ann Wilson

January 17, 2019

Having a 20% Day

I really wanted to write an inspiring post. I read in the last two weeks a lot of posts written by mostly mothers who needed to vent about how hard school holidays are with the kids at home, how stressful it is to prevent them from fighting, breaking toys, eating too much junk food, having too much screen time and the list go on and on. I really wanted to write a positive, hopeful and useful blog to support all these mums and to let them know they are not alone. The thing is that I don’t feel inspiring at the moment. I feel as if I would be writing about how things can be great when the reality is a bit different.IT IS HARD. Then it hit me! If I would have written about all the wonderful ways I have spent time with my kids, you might have stopped reading and scrolled on to the next post because having only great days with positive interactions and zero disputes or ever feeling overwhelmed is just not how parenting looks like in the real world.Adlerian therapy and other researchers talk about the “good enough parent”, which you may have heard of. But how do you measure what is “good enough”? Is it good enough in your experience? Is it according to how your kids interpret your interactions with them? Is it according to your friends and how you compare yourself to them?I like the analogy of 80% - 20% that the Adlerian therapy offers to parents. This scale helps parents to navigate their actions:Try and have 80% positive, supporting, empowering and encouraging interactions in your parenting so in the 20% you can forgive yourself for not being able to react in the way you think would have been more supportive to your child.Because let’s face it, finding yourself negotiating about everything! Every 5 minutes! Feeling your child is pushing the limits; managing outbursts for hearing you say “no” for an expensive gift; feeling you have become an entertainer to constantly make sure your child is not bored – that is draining. So we might find ourselves losing patient and not feeling happy about taking the kids to the shopping centre because you know what’s involved in that. And that is OK. Parents are humans and their energy also needs to be recharges from time to time.Today, I woke up completely drained. Today was one of my 20% days. My kid didn’t understand why I am not talking calmly, explaining why he can or cannot do things or offering him fun activities outside the house so he could then start arguing how much he prefers to stay home and watch some more TV.I was impatient and withdrawn. I realized the last few days have impacted me emotionally and I felt that I might have an outburst if I would have continued to another day of constant arguments and attempts to reset the boundaries.On days like this, I know I need to empty my metaphoric container because it has gotten too full. So full I can’t be present for my kids. On days like this, I do my best to reflect and unpack what is going on for me in my interactions. This is also the part when I think to myself how wonderful it would be if I could talk about all of this with a therapist to help me resolve this feeling of being stuck with emotions of disappointment and helplessness. So today was a reminder for me that I can’t stay objective when it comes to my own kids. My emotions sometimes get mix and I react from my gut and not necessary from the thinking – cognitive part of the brain.In my reflection, I have realized how my brain was feeding me with negative thoughts about my parenting and was playing tricks on me. These thoughts led to my feelings. As a result of that, I ended up reacting by withdrawing. Similar to the Flight – Fight – Freeze reaction you may be familiar with, other parents could react intensively.The ability to observe my thoughts, emotions and behaviors helped me challenge my thoughts which were the trigger to my entire response. Two of the most valuable questions I ask myself are how my reaction would affect my relationship with my child in the future? What am I teaching him?I do want him to learn that even mum has her limits and when she is feeling overwhelmed, she needs some quiet time to calm down. But I don’t want to teach him that not being the perfect kid would cause mum to ignore and reject him. So it’s a fine balance and a conversation is probably required to hear what he has taken from my 20% day and clarify my side of things.Obviously, school holidays have taken its toll on both me and my child. Could I have been more patient, trusting my child to have good reasons for misbehaving? YESCould I have seen earlier that misbehaving is really just a reasonable reaction to stress? YES But we are all humans. What we do have is the ability to reflect and learn how to become more familiar with our own patterns and emotional triggers. Knowledge is power as it gives us back control over our actions. It gives us back the autonomy to choose and not react automatically without knowing why. It can also increase our 80% positive interactions as we would be able to manage our self-talk as parents and prevent distortion thoughts from escalating.That is also why, on my 20% day, I had practiced self-compassion. Reminded myself I am a good enough mother who sometimes experiences opportunities to additional growth.- Netta Dolev

January 11, 2019

Working out Work-Life Balance

I have 2 kids. My son is almost 2 and his sister is only 2 months old. As a Dad there is nothing that I want more than to be there for them and support them. In order to do that I also have to pour as much as I can into my career so that I can support them financially. The question of how much time and energy to devote to work, kids, wife, studies, etc. is one that has caused a lot of stress and anxiety for me personally. What if I put too much stock in self-care that I end up not achieving anything? What if I’m too focused on being a great Dad that I fail to grow as a person and in my career? What if I’m too worried about growing my career and being able to afford things for them that I miss these most precious times when they’re so young? It breaks my heart a little when I get up in the morning and my son instinctively goes to grab my shoes, keys, glasses and wallet. He places them all at my feet and just says the word ‘car’ over and over as I get ready and go to work. His view of Daddy is that I wake up and leave. While going off to work is not a bad thing, and more and more parents these days do, it gives me pause to consider how I’m spending my time.We’re not expected to be perfect and there is no perfect ratio for where to put our efforts. But something we can all do is take some time out to properly reflect on our life’s balance. In a quiet time of mindfulness, I like to consider these 4 steps.Step 1: Consider the ways you spend your time each day and how important each activity is. If you’re the kind of person who benefits from lists and charts feel free to document it in a spreadsheet. Whatever helps you take a proper inventory of your current behaviours.Step 2: See if the things you consider most important are the ones receiving the most of your time each day. And not just the most time, but the highest quality of time. If you only get a few waking hours with your kids, how are you spending them? If you prioritise work, how dedicated are you while you’re there? Don’t forget to prioritise personal time as well but try to make it worthwhile.Step 3: Make a detailed plan to reduce the time taken by less important things in your life and maximise the things that matter most. Again, making a physical schedule for yourself can be helpful. Using SMART goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely can help you avoid disappointments as you try a new way of living.Step 4: Share this plan with the people in your life who can help you achieve a better work-life balance. Accountability is key, especially for those of us prone to procrastination and falling into old habits. I find that I need to repeat these steps relatively often. There are times in our lives when more seems to come up than we can handle. Speaking to a professional and seeking the support of the people around you are key to making lasting changes in our lives so that we make more time for the things that matter most.- Ben Wilson

November 27, 2018

Flying over Anxiety and Fear

Everyone faces fear in their lives - in one form or another.I've experienced anxiety since early childhood and one of my biggest fears has been flying.I found myself working in a field where it was expected that I would fly all over the world and yet I couldn't even think about getting onto a plane without crying. Feeling out of place, I became very careful of where I applied for work and how much I shared about my anxiety. That was a while ago now.Yesterday I returned from a 10-day trip to New Zealand - where I visited with family and tramped around Lake Waikaremoana - one of New Zealand's Great Walks.How did I do it? I applied the lessons I've learned while training to be a psychologist - using the same tools I teach to my clients every day.I stayed mindfully present and brought myself back to the present whenever worry was sneaking up on me. I reminded myself 'I am right here, and I am safe'. I made a dream board earlier in the year and put up a beautiful picture of an aeroplane in the air with the words 'Love Flight' emblazoned on it. I carried that picture with me on my trip. I didn't take it out, but I pictured it and, as I was flying, I looked out of the window and told myself 'I Love Flight'. I would look out at the marvel of the clouds and the land forms and the horizon and just be grateful for the experience.I have found that the practice, and it is a practice, of being mindfully present works well with my clients. It is okay to acknowledge that something is hard but remember that it can be our choice to be brave and do the things that are important to us. Accepting that sometimes things are difficult but choosing to follow a value centred life is the foundation of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and my training in this therapy has been invaluable for myself and my clients.I love working with individuals who struggle with anxiety in their own life. I enjoy sharing tools and watching people as they begin to experience greater empowerment, confidence and freedom.- Dr Lee-Ann Wilson

November 12, 2018

When Siblings Fight

As a mum to two young boys it can be challenging in many dispute situations. I have noticed that the bigger they get, the more challenging these situations become. When my youngest was a baby, the instinct was to expect his older brother to be the mature one, to concede, to “play nice” and take care of his little brother. But even then I doubted this human reaction and I kept asking myself – is it fair to my eldest? Is he not allowed to stand for what’s important for him anymore? Is he not allowed to be treated equally regardless of the age differences? All good questions I believe. That is why I loved studying Adlerian therapy which can offer great insights for parents regarding their kids’ emotions, behaviours and needs.Going back to my two ninjas…now that the both of them can get back at each other – literally and physically – Is it my job to be the policewoman? The judge? Not only do I get exhausted but one of them will always feel my rulings were against him and that I have preferred his brother over him. I realized that it’s a lose-lose situation for me and it may impact my relationships with my boys. Moreover, how can they learn how to communicate themselves to others and advocate for their needs if they rely on me to decide and fix the situation for them? How can they build an independent relationship with each other if they keep fighting for my attention?I admit I have moments of weaknesses; I’m far from being perfect. And my kids sometimes forget the fact they can use their words to express themselves instead of pulling out an imaginary sword. But I have noticed they have their good days: Days when they can negotiate and compromise without even approaching me, days when they collaborate and share, days they can create games and laugh from their funny private jokes, days when they act as true friends. And the thing I discovered is that these days mostly happen when I’m not the subject for their attention (positive or negative). So I guess while they practice their social skills, I practice my ability to restraint. - Netta Dolev

Watch this space for regular posts about nature, therapy and personal growth